Like all of us, I remember where I was that sunny September day, 10 years ago today. It is a moment that impacted my life in a variety of ways and caused a turbulent roller coaster of emotions.
I was awake and tending to my daily chores; picking up around the house, feeding the baby. I was enjoying the beautiful morning and felt such a sense of peace…well at least that’s how I remember it. : ) In the midst of my chores the phone rang. Given the early hour, before 8am my time, I thought it was my husband calling (we didn’t have cell phones at the time) for additional information he may have left behind when he was registering the car on post.
I answered, “Hello?”
“He needs to come to work” is all I heard on the other end of the phone. I was stunned, as if receiving a few small volts from a stun gun. That phrase was one I had been conditioned to understand to mean something bad has happened and we don’t know how long it will take.
I quickly explained that he was registering the car and would certainly be on his way. The response was turn on the TV and if you hear from him, send him to work.
I immediately flipped on the TV to see that the first tower had just been hit. I gasped and knew instantly what this meant and knew that I couldn’t count on my husband coming home for the foreseeable future.
I watched as the events unfolded live on the television and wept for all those who were lost, injured, and otherwise impacted by these attacks. I tried to reach our family in Manhattan without any luck. I sat paralyzed unable to fully process the full impact and at the same time knowing that this was only the beginning of my challenge.
At some point during the coverage that morning, my husband flew through the door. He grabbed his already packed and ready ruck sack and duffel bag. He stacked the equipment by the door and then came to embrace me and our 6 month old daughter. Being careful to say as many words as time allowed, communicating his love for us and his intention to be in touch as soon as possible.
He gathered his things and…went to work.
I pulled myself away from the coverage long enough to run a few errands, and return to the car dealership for some final information. When I arrived someone approached me, and realizing I had been crying asked what was wrong. Really?! What’s wrong…have you seen the news? Have you heard of all the people who were lost, do you understand what this means to our military community? Do you understand what this means to our country?
I remember saying all those things in one form or another, and I remember her response…”oh yeah, that.” It took everything I had to drive to that place and she acted like it was a minor fender bender on the highway.
In the weeks that followed, as the nation began to process their grief and head toward some sense of post 9/11 normality, I was kissing my husband goodbye for an undetermined length of time.
I remember feeling a variety of things. I was so grateful that I had the opportunity to give him that kiss goodbye, that I had the knowledge of knowing the risk, so many on that day had no warning they were about to lose their loved one.
I was also a bit jealous as my husband left to defend his country. I had been out of the Army for less than a year at the time and desperately wanted to do my part to protect our nation. For the first time, I was left on the home front and unable to serve directly. I could have never guessed I would feel such remorse and regret for leaving the service. And at the same time, I was blessed to be able to stay with our young child.
I was scared. Scared that it would happen again. Scared that life as we had known it would never be the same, that the world my daughter will come to know is not the same one I knew.
As I sit here reflecting on the events of that day and every event since then that has been a result of that day I am filled with pride. Pride for my country, pride for the survivors who were brave enough to pick up the pieces and carry on, and pride for the thousands of men and women of the armed forces that jumped into action on that day and every day since to maintain and protect our way of life.
God speed to the military families whose courageously continue to support and defend our nation.
